Looking back...

Having finished paid employment for at least a year, I find myself in a strange but welcome interlude, where there's space to breathe and think and dream!
I've spent the past few days reflecting on the last year, and especially the last 4 months. It has been one of the greatest times of growth i've ever experienced in all areas of my life. Although I often felt like I was floundering, or even going backwards, I realise just how much i've seen and learnt, and how its changed me.

About 3 or 4 months ago, for a variety of reasons and in a variety of ways, I came to the end of myself. It was a really frightening and unsettling time. I'd always been able to 'make things better' before, but things were happening in and around me that I had no control over. It was a season of' 'pruning', of stripping back of all that had become familiar and comfortable. Although it was really painful, I let go and let God carry me. I found a freedom in this place of surrender I somehow always knew was possible, but which I'd missed out on by always relying on myself.

As I look back on the past few months, i'm overwhelmed to realise how God has carried me through every detail of it all. In those moments when I felt totally out of my depth, holding some precious strangers life literally in my hands, He was there. Those times when I had to explain that there was nothing else I could do, and in the agony of watching a family say their final goodbyes, He was there with me. In those moments of incomparable joy, witnessing a new little person entering this world and taking their first breath. Through all the good, and the bad, He was there, carrying me, faithfully reassuring me that I'm His, and that nothing can seperate us.

I want to thank those incredible people who have walked this last part of the journey so faithfully with me (You know who you are!) I feel so blessed by your love, encouragement, wisdom and prayers. I will be forever indebted to you.

All of this last season, i believe is preparation for the next! So although I dont know any of the details yet, I know that He'll be there, carrying me, helping me to live in the reality of this freedom He's gifted me!

"Freely you have received, now freely give!"